So, I’ve been seeking the
motivation, perhaps the inspiration to return to a spot of blogging / creative
writing for a while. I have a creative writing blog - Crickey and Hocket - but I wanted to split the more personal bits away. A few folk suggested a dating blog, which was something
that existed briefly some years ago. Well, this blog post is a little bit about
that – but you may well be disappointed.
I ought also caveat what you’re
about to read with the following - soul bearing ramblings may well not be my
strong point. I’m not confident that I’ve ever tried all that hard to be a
fully-open-to-the-elements author of honest content. I’m also not sure if, as
you get older, you become more introspective, more aware or just more inclined
to muse openly about any feelings, emotional roller-coaster moments and the
grand journey that is life, at least what we believe it to be. But I was
inspired by reading the blog of a newly acquired friend this morning, and it
was the nudge if not kick up the proverbial that I needed.
So, I thought that I’d write about
dating. Kind of. It may be a personal thing, or a reflection of modern society
though I’d never think for a second I’m wise or grandiose enough to linger on
such a thought for long, but I have a sneaking suspicion that in my own case
the more independent I have become as a “fully fledged” adult, the more dependent
I have also become in other ways. Let me explain.
The independent thing is easy. I am
relatively happy with my “lot”. I bought my house a couple of years ago now and
do you know what, I love it. I love coming home to my own space, my own mess
and invariably the home comforts of some good food and a comfy bed. Is it
perfect? No. But it’s mine. And after I have finished writing this, I will
enjoy a cup of tea, a sausage sandwich then go and reorganise my garage to how
I want it to be after 12 months of pretty much lobbing things in to the far
corner. Do you know what? I’ll feel pretty chuffed afterwards!
What I have found though,
conversely, is that I have become a bit of a self-saboteur in the other parts
of my life that should be the guaranteed positives. The social pressure of
being the only single chap in my closest of circles I’ve found pushing me in to
being somewhat of a stereotype of myself, which becomes a difficult habit to
break. I love that disappearing to university gave me an opportunity to break
that circle from my school persona but in adulting terms I think it’s even
harder to say “I’m not going to be that person anymore”. As the singleton the
inevitable questions come relentlessly.
“Who you’re seeing?”
“Don’t you want to
settle down?”
And the ever so special “Why don’t
you try <insert dating app here>? Geoff and Susan met on there and they
go married last year.”
Firstly. Congratulations Geoff and
Susan. And it’s marvellous that my friends have met their lobsters, it truly
is. But it does drive an over dependence on the age-old search for “the one”
and though they may not realise it, it’s a pretty exhausting affair both
physically and mentally, which I am guilty of periodically letting get the
better of me.
When I look back on the happiest
times of the last 12 months, none of them involved dating. None. I spent the
start of the summer pretty much living at the cricket club - playing,
supporting, providing Twittery updates on the “action” much to the delight of
some of the younger members and doing what I could to help coach and mentor.
Conversely in January I sacked off the dating for the most part and spent time
with people who brought joy and happiness to my life. I prioritised how I ought
to, and it felt great. Then I find myself slipping back in to old habits, old
dependencies, until I found myself at a real low recently. I let this happen
too often. Far, far too often. So. Let’s have a reset.
The goal is that spending time with
things and people that enhance my life will come first. And as hard as it will
be, the expectations of others and perhaps, more weighty, myself, well they’ll
have to find some other perch for the time being. Less duty and responsibility
to others, more focus on duty and responsibility to myself. Less dating, more writing,
food (be prepared to be fed should you venture near!), holidays (Galapagos
Islands anyone?) and should the weather allow plenty of laps of the cricket
ground in the sun, tea in hand. Nothing life changing. Just some fine tuning.
Plus a return to working on a story / screenplay that’s been long mooted about
a mouse….long short story.
